Saturday, June 27, 2009

Note To Self

Stop hiding from issues or covering them up when it's not necessary. If you have something that you need to deal with then you need to allow yourself to deal with it. If you keep running it will keep chasing you and you know its gonna catch up with you because you will eventually tire and fall out in exhaustion. You don't necessarily have to over react to certain things but at least allow yourself to feel, heal, and forgive and in the long run you will feel much better.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Ayee, now talk it out!

lol I know that was lame but oh well. But whatever happened to talking things out? It's definitely something that we need more of. It can avoid so much drama if you just talk to the person instead of automatically wanting to hate them and fight or whatever.

I just had a pretty decent with my ex's girl (well I think she just may be his ex now too) and it cleared up so many things.

He and I have been talking as just friends for a few weeks. I actually didn't know he was with her otherwise I wouldn't have even done that much. But anyway she called my phone all mad and upset whenever she saw that we had been text messaging back and forth.

I didn't pick up the first time cause I was busy so she left a lil salty message and then I called her back. Naturally we both had our guard up and we were both about to go into straight "b*tch mode" but as we started talking it was cool. I told her what she needed to know and she told me what I needed to know and together we got to the bottom line that homeboy is just trifling regardless of who he's with.

In the end I had more respect for her, and I just began to think about how if we were not both mature enough that could have been a completely different story. Alot of times the female will automatically get all hostile with the "other chick" but really the man is the one who needs to be confronted by both. Nothing destroys sisterhood quicker than a no good man. We just gotta learn to talk to each other before we initially get ready to call names and throw blows and not really know why or solve anything.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Tis' The Season

Of Flu, Colds, and Allergies. I'm so sick of being sick. I've being going strong for about two weeks with a cold. I'm convinced cold medicine just does not work. I just went to take some more until I realized I didn't have any left. I've been taking NyQuil and DayQuil combo pack of liquid gels and I go to get some and there wasn't a pill left in sight. I'm also down to just ONE Mucinex pill and I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm so tried of coughing and snotting it's ridiculos.

Everyone around here seems to be passing it between students. Every other person in the dorm is sick. All you see in the snack room trash can is a bunch of soup and chili cans. The bookstore is selling out of the little medicine packets, and no one is in class because we're all layed up in the room on bed rest.

Hopefully, I can kick this thing soon because I have to get well so I can make preparations for whatever I'm gonna do for the summer time. Just one month left to go and I'm home free. Yes!

Monday, February 23, 2009

Family Matters


This is one of my favorite shows of all time. So I named this post accordingly. It seemed fitting.


I've just had the most incredible weekend with my family. I'm still lightly amazed at how over the years everything changes yet it's still the same.



I just love the way we really weren't doing anything but it was still so much fun. Just being in the company of family members that I haven't seen in years and still having such a good time when we get together was great.

It was somewhat therapeutic for me. I had somewhat of a stressful week last week and I wasn't really feeling like going anyway. The drive isn't that bad just 2 hours but I hate that town even though it is where I was born and raised there. Of course now I'm glad I went.

My cousins are hilarious. It's crazy to see the kids who I babysat when I was younger. I felt old when I was telling them"girl I remember when I used to change your diapers" and "I remember the day you were born".

Even my cousins who are my age had me in awe. One of them just had a baby and I just sat there looking at him holding his baby. It was weird just looking at that. I was just staring and remembering how we used to play games all day, go to the same schools, fight each other, and do so many other things when we were younger but now we all are grown and taking different paths in life.

The thing that made that so funny to me was that, the same thing I was doing to the other cousins the older ones were doing to me and the ones my age. One in particular was just staring at me smiling at one point, she said she just couldn't believe how professional and mature I was now. Then she started talking about all the stories of how I was so shy and I would hide behind my mom when people came around.

Family is fun and love mine even when they get a little out of wack. I really wish we weren't spread all over the country like this so that we can get together and have more times to enjoy each others company again.



-and the food was definitely on point, we didn't go out to eat not once, they cooked up a storm like it was the holidays and I was in love lol.

Monday, February 9, 2009

A Lady in the Streets...but a Freak in My Head?

You know how people say your mind is in the gutter when you take simple un-related things and make a sexual reference? Well lately that person is me lol. I can't help it though...my mind is tormenting me for going celibate.

One of my New Year's resolutions (I made up my mind before then but it's all the same) was to never have sex again until I'm married.
I have quite a few reasons for this and I'm pretty sure I'll be able to follow through with it. But boy is it hard.
I feel like the minute I said no to sex...everything became sexual. I hate that. I never thought that way before but now I'm thinking about it every other minute.

For example I was making a fruit salad and cutting some strawberries this weekend. So I stop like out of nowhere and I say to myself "You know? This thing kinda reminds me of a vagina" which automatically makes me think about sex and how much I would love to partake lol.

Then as I'm trying to clear my mind today and keep myself occupied I start doing my health homework. Boy was that a big mistake. It was my first time reading the chapter so I had no clue what it was about. So I open it up to see Chapter 4: Sexuality. I was like are you serious? So I continue to read and do my definitions. Why in the world were some of my definitions : erotic fantasy, stages of orgasm, and auto-eroticism? Needless to say, doing my homework didn't help me at all. Obviously it made things worse.

The temptation is crazy too. Like I can be talking to a guy friend or some random attractive dude and I'm not hearing half of what he says because my mind is thinking about all the things I'd like to do with him lol. Then it's worse that I'm single and all of a sudden I feel like there are more guys than usual trying to talk to me which makes it all the more complicated. A few guys in particular were like everything that I usually look for in a guy and I still had to keep it moving and that took some serious self control. I know that if I enter into a relationship right now I'll end up compromising my goals.

I feel so weird because this isn't me at all. I've never even been an overtly sexual person. I mean sex didn't phase me at all. I was a virgin until I was 19 and he was my first and last. My desire has just sky-rocketed since then. Sexual frustration is crazy and this is just the beginning of my vow...I can only imagine how I'll feel when I'm years into it. I sure hope it gets easier.

Note to Mr. Ex: What did you do to me?...you've created a monster and now I gotta tame it lol.

Note to my future husband: Honey, I really hope you have some serious stamina and energy because everything that's building up now will all be released with you and just pray you can handle it.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Oh How I Wish I Was A Kid Again

Growing up is scary for real. Today is my 20th Birthday and I feel weird lol. It's just that I'm realizing more and more that my success and/or failures in life are solely my responsibility now.

Not to mention the whole heap of responsibilities that I'm only getting the beginning of now. I know it only gets worse later on and I'm not looking forward to it.

It's like the transition from childhood to adulthood isn't a fair trade. I'm being shortchanged somewhere in the process.

I just want to be 10 again. My only responsibilities were going to school, cleaning my room, and being a kid.

I could go out and play all day, get dirty, ride my bike, use my imagination to create my own little world without any judgement because that's what kids do. I can't do that as an adult because I have to face certain realities.

Ok let me stop, there are good things about growing up but I still miss being a kid. The video says it all for me.





Saturday, January 31, 2009

We Hold These Truths To Be Self Evident

It's obviously that time again. Today was all the proof I needed. It's officially green season. School refund checks and taxes are being dished out and the block is hot with folks buying everything under the sun. We don't know how to act when we get a little change in our hands.

I go to the mall today and see half of my campus in there shopping it up. We all had the same problem. Buying unnecessary things just because we had some money finally. I only went out today looking for one thing...a new comforter set for the dorm. I came out with a phone case, new shoes, perfume, universal charger, a Snuggie (for my Grandma because she's been brainwashed into thinking that it's something special), and a bunch of other things that I know I didn't need anyway. The sad thing is I didn't even get a comforter set. Not even a sheet or a pillowcase or anything remotely close to why I went out today.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Higher Education.....more than a title

It's the truth! Higher education isn't simply termed that because it's among the highest level of education one can attain. The stuff is really high! As in money that most folks don't have to come to these institutions and play around. If you do or your parents do then more power to you.

This isn't high school anymore and it's most definitely not free so why are some people still acting like it is? If your entering an institute of higher education you should present your self with a bit of higher intellect and behavior.

I got so frustrated in my U.S History class today. Two girls who should have thought twice about the reasons they are here irritated me to no end.

The first girl wanted to argue with the teacher cause she wanted to sit in class and text loud (keys not on silent) all in his face while he was teaching, then get upset when he asked her to go outstide or put it away.

The other girl got all pissy with me for asking the teacher questions when she was ready to go. Seriously? You wanna get upset about me wanting to get my moneys worth out of this class. And if you feel like you needed to go in such a hurry you should have just left. No one is holding you hostage. No one is going to write you up and send you to the principals office for walking out. What you should have done was sit down and listen and hope you pass the test next week instead of huffing and puffing and talking under your breath about some foolishness.

I'm just saying...we are all here for a reason. To get that degree and then keep it moving to the next step. Don't be in college acting petty and doing high school things. If you fail at this then its a waste of someones money, either yours,your parents, the government, or a private fund of some type. To sit in college is do such things is the equivalent of someone passing you some money only so that you can flush it down the toilet.

Let's do better please...that's all.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Want to feel my touch?

Cause I'm tired of it...seriously it's not what's hot. I'm mad I even wanted it now. I'm speaking on the ipod touch. It sucks and I'm glad I didn't get rid of my Classic. I've had pretty much all of the ipods and this is definitely my least fave. I'm about to delete what little music I put on it and I guess find somone to sell it to. I'm so frustrated with this thing that I'm 'bout ready to give it away.....wait nevermind I didn't just say that. But I'm willing to let it go for the low-low. So if you into these evil gadgets or know someone who is then...yeah you know lol.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Unforgivable...or not?

Is there anything a person could do or say that could be deemed unforgivable?

The Christian answer to this is no: we should forgive everyone no matter what because God forgives us.

But also we're human and the human answer to this is Yes! there are definitely things that could be unforgivable.

I was just having this conversation with a friend and we went over some instances that would be hard to forgive. These things actually happened to a few associates of mine and I just thought about how much better they are than me in their cases because if I put myself in their place I don't see myself being so quick to forgive.

The first one is killing someone I love. This actually happened to a person I know. 3 of his brothers were killed by his step dad and he eventually forgave him. I don't know how but he did. If that were me I don't think I would be so easy to do so. That's the worst thing anyone could do to me.

Secondly is cheating on me and bringing me back an STD after the fact. The cheating was bad enough and in some cases I'd forgive it. But to infect be with something you got while out doing your dirt is the worst thing ever in my eyes. And then don't let it be something life threatening like Aids or something else that won't EVER go away.
I know of two cases like this.

One girl it was just crabs but still...that's bad enough. He wouldn't have had it to give to her if he wasn't out doing wrong. The killer in that case was not only did she forgive him but she took care of him. She actually sat there and tried to pick off crabs from his nuts that he got from another girl. NO WAY in the world I'd do some stuff like that.

The other one was actually a guy that I know. His fiance of 3 years cheated on him and came back and gave him Herpes. He broke up with her for a month or two and then they were right back together. So now she's forgiven and they're living happily ever after with genital warts and all that gooey goodness.

Ok wait...maybe I have 3 things that are unforgivable because I just thought of this one lol. It's not as serious but spitting in my face might be unforgivable. It's never happened to me but I can't imagine what I would do. Seriously, to just hock up a nasty loogey and let it come flying in my face would be the lowest of the low of things you could do to me.

Maybe these things are forgivable but I just haven't experienced them personally to be able to say wheather or not I would forgive them. I just think they are among some of the worst things you could do to a person. It takes a very strong and secure person to forgive it.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Time to hit the books




It's that time again. Study groups, expensive books, looking for my refund check lol, due dates, all nighters, microwave dinners, office hours, to little sleep, to much caffeine, living in the library. That shall be my life again for the next few months. I actually like it though. I've always been pretty fond of school. It's my element I guess. This wacky way of living is temporary but necessary so I'm good.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Hmmm No....not quite



Well I sure don't see the comparison here. Maybe I should look again....nope still don't see it.

I'm by far not a Obama hater but dude is no superman. I mean I think he's intelligent, stong willed, determined, capable, probably hella stressed out, not to mention pretty easy on the eyes lol, and a whole slew of other things.

I'm just tired of hearing people (mostly "us") talk about how he's gonna do this and that. What he will and won't let happen. The problem is that most of the times I've heard this discussion it's generally in reference to things that aren't fully in his control. I just don't want people thinking that for some reason is above all other presidents and solely has the ability to all these things that are being talked about.

See in these United States we have things such as checks and balances, veto's, filibusters, supreme courts, senate and a nice little combination of things that all go together when big decisions are made for the country. No man can single handedly control all of that. Even if he is an extremely talented, educated, well liked, handsome brother from the Chi.

So I'll do everything I can to stand behind him and make his job easier but I won't expect him to do these miracles that everyone seems to think. Just be realistic about what can be done. Don't expect more from him than he is capable of. All I want him to do is the best he can and sometimes the best just isn't enough and I fully accept that, everyone else should to.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

New Year New Tunes

So for the new year I've decided to do a special kind of make over. I'm going to delte each and every song, movie,video, and pic on my ipod.

Well actually I'm just gettin a new one all together. Maybe even call it a downgrade lol. I'm going from the 80gb Classic to the 32gb Touch. I mean I love music and all but I was nowhere near filling up those 80 gigs.

Anyway I'm looking for all new songs. Things I never heard and/or never really paid attention to. I'm definitely adding more old school. For some reason I've just now really been paying attention to it and I must say I really like it lol. I've been on a Sam Cooke thing lately. He is definitely becoming one of my favorites.

I'm trying to be as versitile as possible, my goal is to have at least one song that I like from every genre listed. All music has so much potential so I don't see why I should limit myself to only a few genres just because that's what those around me listen to or because it's what I'm comfortable with.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

What Goes Up Must Come Down-Enter 2009

One New Year's Tradition that I have always hated is shooting up in the air at midnight to "ring in the new year". It's loud, silly,dangerous, and in some areas illegal. I really wish that would stop in 09 and beyond.

This year we stayed at home and did the family thing for New Years. I happened to hear the shots ring out pretty close. They scared the kids and most definitely the dogs. I swear at about 12:03 I heard the shots and by 12:05 I heard annoying barking dogs and in my house two crying 5 year olds. I was so mad at who ever did that.

The dogs eventually shut up plus that wasn't to bad cause I didn't have to explain anything to them. But the kids on the other hand. Once I told them they were ok they proceeded to ask me a thousand questions about it.

*What was that?......it was shooting for new years it's a way to celebrate
*What is New Years......just a new year,almost like your birthday
*It's not my birthday....I know that, but it's the worlds birthday
*We don't shoot on my birthday....I know, we have icecream and cake and balloons
*Why didn't we have cake and balloons today?......we just didn't
*But why?......just because
*Well did they shoot my dog?....No, he's fine don't you hear him?
*He's crying....he's not crying, he's barking
*Ok, Can I have some chips.....yes go get some then go to bed.
*But,I'm not tired......ok, just get the chips then come sit down and be quiet.
*I can't reach it, can you do it.....yeah hold on
*I'm thirsty too....didn't you just eat not that long ago are you really hungry?
*Yes, I need breakfast....What???? You need breakfast???
*Yes, I'm hungry I want breakfast....no, breakfast is in the morning after you get up
*But please, I love you.....I love you to, no breakfast though until u sleep first
*She won't share the chips....be nice to eachother and stop all that
*I had it first....ok girls your both going to bed so lay down and be quiet
*I'm not tired....I don't care, get tired.


So you see? All because of the shooting I had to sit down taking time away from my movie which was really good to have a Q and A session with the kiddies.

But seriously I do wish people wouldn't do that, or at least go to an area that's very secluded and less likely to disturb or even possibly hit someone if you just have to shoot on New Years.

Anywho, Happy New Year to all!! Make it a good one. I know I'm going to.